2019.

Here I am.

Standing at the very edge of the year, contemplating and reflecting back my own journey these past 365, I know it would be a waste if I just let 2019 passed by without disclosing a single thing about how incredibly unpredictable this year was—via this last-minute piece of writing. My short attention-span mind might not excel in recapping all of the things I’ve been through, but I’ll try my best.

I started off the year by setting positive and high expectations. A mental note of yearly resolutions was made. I was a naive-headed being. I wasn’t that mature to see the bigger picture. However, I wouldn’t say that this is not MY year. Of course this is my year. Been riding a roller coaster ride called life for 20 years, it is safe for me to say that this year is the year that taught me the most powerful life lessons so far.

As predicted, some things went well—or even better. I got to see my dream stage of my favorite bands. With friends to keep me company. I got to read new books. I explored new music. I went to new places. 
College life was surely exciting yet exhausting. Despite having to shed sweats and tears, I got opportunities I never imagine I’d get. Connections were made. New faces. New experiences. Thoughtful insights. Shaped way-of-thinking. Expected grades. A-okay body health. Strong support systems. And many more. Even though my circle is not getting that big yet, I am grateful by the fact that I am surrounded by kind-hearted souls and appreciative/constructive/supportive beings that allow me to dig my inner abilities and unleash the best. Life is good. God is good.

On the other hand, even more things went downwards. It’s crazy how I myself was the cause and also the victim of my own wicked thoughts along the year. I was trapped inside a bubble of self-loathe made by myself: anxiety and insecurity—personally and socially. It took me almost a year to finally set free of my shitty mind. I learned to accept that things would be wasted if I spent time questioning my worth. Over and over again.

What I also learned a lot is the fact that people—literally—come and go. I’ve encountered and witnessed some unexpected events related to relationships and whatsoever. Backstabbers, betrayals, you name it. Time sure cannot guarantee that relationships will last forever. But it’s okay. No need to force everything. Just be the person you are and try to stay sane and objective in every situation, whenever possible.

Full credits I’d address to my own self for the ability to accept and endure things. For the efforts of living this fueled-by-storms-and-rainbows year. For finally being able to make peace with my inner demon. You sure are though. I am forever proud of you. Tears might be shed. Hate might be thrown. Sins might be made. Things might not go as you expected it to be. But it’s OK. You’re human being, after all. 

We are all human beings, a package of flowery things with thorns and flaws on top. 

Forgive yourself and people around you. Whenever things got on your nerve, always remember to stop, think, and assess 'em first before conveying responses. Don’t rush things. Don't just jump into conclusions. Be mindful and stay grounded, always.

Surely, I am thankful of what life has taught me throughout this year. My personal, spiritual, and social journeys were legit thrilling as hell. As I learned about the beauty of accepting and letting things flow, I’ll let 2019 and all the journeys within be the very memory I will cherish forever; keep it in a wooden box, secure it with an unfinished-looking heart-shaped lock, and put it somewhere deep in my heart. And in my mind.

Thank you, 2019.

Now off you go.